Fear was again flooding my heart as I stood to sing in church this weekend.
The kind of fear that confidently insists, more like a certainty – things are going to go wrong and there’s nothing you can do. You might have some experience with that. My hours situation at one of my jobs was hitting a severe snag and the next step was uncertain. The worst case scenario is so easy to jump to.
I’d been praying. But I took it another step that night and chose to worship through intentional song.
It was an act of defiance against the fear.
Every once in a while, on a pizza run, I’ll catch a glimpse of a future that worries me.
It’ll be some older male customer who’s living alone, in a tiny, isolated trailer way out on the edge of our delivery range, without a vehicle to his name. Some of these guys have a way of sharing a bit much about their lives, so I know they aren’t getting any visits from people. Just alone, filling their later years with television. Some of them by choice, some of them because of past choices.
I’ll just be real vulnerable for a second: that’s a future I’m afraid of.
I often worry about ending my life alone and broke, driving people away through advanced curmudgeonry. It sounds like overthinking, but my personality does tend that direction, and I worry about it a bit. I’m putting quite a bit of effort these days into avoiding that future.
Now, your typical response might be, don’t worry, Brandon. That won’t happen.
But maybe there’s an even better response.