Sex Isn’t Making Anyone Happy

Posted on by

crowdPart 1: Be Careful What You Ask For

Part 3: All the Wrong Reasons?

Part 4: He Runs to Us

Part 5: Goodies and Godliness

Well, I wasn’t planning on two posts this month with the word “sex” in the title. But it is February. And hey…you clicked. Ha.

Anyway…

We Christian singles get easily fascinated with this mysterious thing called sex. Call it an occupational hazard of chastity.

It’s understandable. When an entire civilization stampedes past you in pursuit of something, you’re bound to crane your neck that way. Throw in an entertainment industry that’s found its golden calf cash cow and you’ve got a powerful allure. “Wow,” we find ourselves going if we’re not careful. “Sex really does look like the answer. Wish I could get that.”

Now, I’ve never had sex.

But I’ve seen what it does for people.

Three years on an Air Force launch truck hearing the details of others’ tech school stories and favorite porn.

Three years as a teacher, watching students bring their babies to class, where they’d promptly tear up any of their mothers’ homework they could reach. Cute buggers.

Five years at a pizza place which, like any minimum wage job, attracts some tough cases.

Years later, here’s the scorecard. Those airmen were beset with divorce and cheating. My former students are still neck-deep in a hard, impoverished existence. The minimum wage scene? A few of those guys can’t hold down a job, existing perpetually in the scummiest trailer parks with few tools for reaching escape velocity.

But the one thing they all had more of than me?

Sex. Lots of it. Whenever they wanted.

Continue reading →

Be Careful What You Ask for

Posted on by

handThanks for the prayers, everyone. I’m back from my mini-vacation. Let me tell you – I love my home, but central Colorado is some spectacular driving. Also, I may or may not have filled my car up with gas one time and then gotten back in the car to find it still running.

What? It was a long trip. It won’t happen again, Mom, I promise.

You know what else I love? The Prodigal Son story.

I’m gonna have to do a series here, for the Prodigal Son passage from Luke 15 is stuffed to bursting with symbolism and meaning. Here we find the haunting testimony of every fallen human, a solemn warning against religious pride, hints of the kingdom’s treasures, and perhaps most importantly, a poignant glimpse of God’s sheer emotion towards his children, one which has comforted me many times. There’s so much here to dig into; the treasures are more than worth the time.

Continue reading →

We Are The Consumer Culture Problem

Posted on by

I’m on vacation until Monday, so this is an auto-post. But please feel free to leave your usual comments and accusations of heresy, and I’ll be back on Monday to answer, with a post following on Tuesday. Keep it real.

cart

Rant time.

I’m not the sort to promise hell upon people for enjoying simple entertainment. (In fact, I’m not the sort to promise hell for anything short of not believing in Jesus, because that’s, y’know, un-Biblical.)

But something has been brewing in my mind for a while, sending a mighty WALLUMP to the top of my brain every time somebody complains about the bombardment of cheap shallowness we call American consumer culture.

Which I certainly understand.It’s true that our culture seems to have about as much depth as a piece of paper these days. Everything the networks deem noteworthy for us is carefully packaged and marinated in bias, while a great deal more goes unseen. Meanwhile, Beyonce and her bizarre religion-mocking getup are blasted at us, television and movies can’t decide whether to glorify or condemn evil, and our holy holidays are commercialized beyond recognition.

But one factor seems to be escaping us.

It’s our fault.

Continue reading →

To the Single Who Doesn’t Care About God’s Love

Posted on by

berries(Last singleness post for a while.)

There’s a part of me that has struggled to care about God’s love.

You probably know what I mean. We would rather things just go well than be forced to lean on him.

This week is a prime example for singles, especially. Valentine’s Day comes and we singles feel missed, not only by the season but by the church. My church has handled its singles with grace, but not every church does. Irritated by what it perceives as our self-pity, the church swings open its arms with a beatific smile and goes, “Jesus is your boyfriend! Singleness isn’t something to be endured; God’s love is all you need!”

You know they’re right somehow. You feel vaguely guilty. And you do care about God’s love. You do.

But…

“You don’t understand,” some part of you still says. “I’m tired of being alone. I’m sick of the 8,967th article telling me to be content while the church reserves its celebrations for weddings and births. I know you are able, Lord. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just gave me someone?”

Some part of us doesn’t care.

It’s okay to admit that. It’s not like God doesn’t know. Admitting it is the first step to fixing it.

As I’ve opined before, it’s okay to call singleness a legitimate hardship. Doing so diminishes neither singleness nor God. It just reminds us that even comfortable first-world Christians have their disappointments and that God is making us mature, and more fully his, through trial. The mature church should note this and keep striving for a balance of exhortation and empathy, so expertly struck by its Wonderful Counselor.

That said…

It takes little more than a glance at Facebook, or a day at work hearing people’s stories, to see that many Christian singles aren’t happy. Too many don’t know how to get there; too many leap from relationship to relationship, stuff their shelves with romance novels, or just settle into unfruitful funks.

I do not say this in judgment. I used to be full-on funky (not in the 60s way). Over the years, God has slowly gained sweeping victory over this territory of my heart, but it didn’t happen overnight. Every Christian, in some measure, is still somewhere on the trail to a prizing of God’s love above all.

For those still back near the trailhead, I would ask this: have you unknowingly agreed with the lie that God’s love is not enough?

Continue reading →

Envy is a Filthy Liar

Posted on by

Last fall, a blogging mentor of mine welcomed me to guest-post on her blog. I had the perfect story to tell, thanks to a timely lunch with a high school friend I hadn’t seen in fifteen years. Ever had one of those revealing conversations that completely reshapes your viewpoint on your past? This was one of those, one that exposed some deep lies about my self-worth. The piece actually got picked up by an online Christian publication!

Enjoy.

http://www.christyfitzwater.com/self-worth/story-envy-filthy-liar/

When “Not Good” is Very Good

Posted on by

When we were young, our parents said “no” to save us. No, you can’t stay up all night watching scary movies. No, you can’t have that sucker that’s bigger than your head. No, you can’t hang out with that gang of boys reenacting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles down the street. (Wish I’d listened before I got a nunchuk to the head.)

But there’s also the sense that parents say no simply to teach us that this ain’t Burger King and you don’t always get it your way. We all know what a kid becomes when he’s given whatever he wants: a spoiled brat. As a teacher, it wasn’t hard for me to spot the kids who’d never heard a “no” in their life. It was more often the “denied” students who exhibited respect, work ethic, and people skills in the classroom; it was those who’d been given less that actually had more.

And I like what I’ve become through my singleness.

We singles often think that God calls us to singleness mostly to help us dodge bad matches. That’s part of it. But let’s be honest: God could bring us a compatible person at any time. That he does not, suggests another purpose. (Sound Biblical theology is silent on the question of “one match for everyone”. As Steven Furtick has pointed out, such theology would require one who misses their match either stay single for life or marry the wrong person and thus cause a chain-reaction dislodging of God’s will for the entire human race.)

I want to say loud and clear: I don’t necessarily believe all singles are being kept there by God. Some are single because they choose it, or because they rarely groom themselves. But it’s undeniable that God has called some to this track. And when we see his hand in such a way, we have an opportunity to uncover an uncomfortable, but powerful, truth.

Like a coastal shelf carved by waves, sometimes God says no simply to refine our character.

Continue reading →

The Most Radical Thing Any Christian Can Do

Posted on by

divingRadical, radical, radical.

Everything is about being a radical follower of Jesus.

How to say this…have you noticed everything is kind of polarized lately?

When it comes to politics (this post is not about politics, it’s just an example, don’t click that back button), I feel like the guy trying to keep the Hatfields and McCoys apart. On one side, millennial friends who are left-wing Christians (you didn’t misread that); on the other, conservatives like myself. Their debates are.I’m trying to maintain a balance for myself; there’s usually a kernel of truth in most viewpoints.

Of course, the pickle of being in the middle is that it leaves you saying opposite things to each side in order to bring them closer. It feels…weird. Like I’m contradicting myself.

But I’m not, because not everyone needs to hear the same thing.

Getting off politics, I recently stumbled across a blog post pushing back against Christian author Francis Chan for criticizing believers who homeschool or private school. I don’t know if Chan meant to suggest a blanket ban, but this writer thought he did, and boom…another debate. Is homeschooling radical?

I’m not here to answer that, either. Truth is, it depends on who you ask.

And that’s the problem. Everyone’s saying “radical Christianity”; nobody’s given us a foolproof formula for what it looks like.

God has, though.

Continue reading →

A Thank-You To My Pastor of 18 Years

Posted on by

I was a squirrelly 15-year-old, so I don’t remember what started the conversation. But I do remember the first piece of doctrine I learned from my senior pastor.

Interestingly, Daniel’s lesson to me that day was one he’s teaching this very month: from Matthew 5, about outer realities versus inner. It isn’t enough, he taught me, to technically adhere to the law while still longing to break it. Jesus “raised the stakes”, he said to me; he taught that inner darkness is the real sin, and inner righteousness is the real treasure. A crucial lesson, and a very “Daniel” one.

Continue reading →

The Biblical Case for Loving Yourself

Posted on by

selfPicking back up with Humble Pie Week on Brandonjadams.com…

I screwed up yesterday. I missed a lunch with a friend. Spaced it. Sesame Street’s Forgetful Jones would be proud.

You might not think it a huge deal. My friend doesn’t. He and I have been friends for many years, and he’s hardly a petty man. We just rescheduled.

But you know how it is: our frustration is proportional to how highly we esteem the person we disappointed, and this guy pegs my scale. Plus, I want to be a fully reliable person, and this memory lapse business is all too common. I’d been looking forward to the lunch all week, remembered it two hours prior, even set a phone alarm. And of course it dodged all those layers: my phone managed to get buried on my desk and have its vibrate turned off by my pocket at some point. Fabulous.

And just to add insult to injury, the very next hour revealed an important task I’d forgotten to do for my boss.

Needless to say, the day was sliding into Beat Yourself Up territory on a greased pole.

As if that ever changes anything.

And given how brutally hard I am on myself, with the failure-barrages of marriage and ministry still hopefully ahead of me, one thing is clear: I’m going to have to start loving myself.

Loving myself.

Whaaaaa? you say. Loving yourself? That’s not right. We should be dying to ourselves, becoming less selfish. Being proud and putting ourselves first isn’t Biblical at all!

You’re right.

The catch is…that’s not love. Pride isn’t love. Self-focus isn’t love. We have love’s definition down in black and white, in 1 Corinthians 13. Sure, this is a bit of a “war over words” that I’m engaging in, but maybe love is a word we should defend. Why should we fear applying proper, Biblical love to ourselves? When is the last time we even tried?

Continue reading →

A Blogger Sharpened

Posted on by

coticuleWe cannot be sharpened if we have thin skin.

That idea has been bouncing around my head for months, since my blog started taking off.

Whenever I see another blogger criticized in a way I disagree with, rather than diving in, I take a deep breath and retreat to that idea. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov 27:17)…and it won’t happen if we bristle at disagreement. We’ll duck and dodge, remain dull.

So far, I hadn’t gotten a lot of adversity myself. Late last week, that changed.

Continue reading →