If you rely on Facebook to find your prospects, you might want to reevaluate things.
But sometimes Facebook just ends up being part of our first impression. It’s the world we live in. You meet someone, you sneak in a brief chat, and then go home and…friend each other. Hopefully in that order.
And in that moment, our Facebook feed can say a lot about us. Just like clothing or mannerisms can. File this entire post under the category “Like it or not”. As in, like it or not, Facebook has become a separate domain of our existence, right alongside “work” or “home”. It reveals our witness, and it sells our character in more ways than you might think.
Assuming you’re looking to do your part in finding a Christian spouse while God does his part, and assuming you’re out for his very best, here are a few ideas to flag down the kind of person you’re looking for.
(If you’re the kind who doesn’t post much on Facebook anyway and just uses it to keep track of friends, consider yourself excused from this.)
1. Show evidence you’re a Christian
You might have heard the question, “If you were arrested and put on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” The point being, Christianity is not something to be kept on the down-low.
Consider: You have at your fingertips a brilliant evangelism tool, called Facebook, that would turn Billy Sunday and Charles Finney green with envy. When unsaved people read your words and could potentially share them with thousands, why wouldn’t you seize every chance to fill your feed with the way Jesus fills your life?
It just isn’t right when Christians list every favorite TV show but forget to mention they’re a Christ follower. He longs to overflow into every area of our lives. A Facebook feed can reveal whether someone has been flooded just so, or whether they merely “do Christianity on the side”. Don’t leave people wondering. Don’t let worry of what others think (or job prospects) lead you to omit all traces of your faith. Be flooded, and show it in your feed.
2. Be positive
We have a sense that Facebook is where you can “just be yourself.” Right? It’s notorious for passive-aggressive ventings and cryptic laments over our failings. Honesty is a good thing. But complaint as a pattern…is that really what you want to marry?
Or would you rather marry someone whose eyes are set above? Someone whose confidence in God’s love anchors them against the setbacks of this life? That’s a great foundation for a marriage.
Facebook, like many things, is what you make it. It can be a stream of support, hope, and wisdom if you streamline it right. Cut the drama, the he-said-she-said, the first world problems. Some struggles are worth sharing, but show how you’re laying them at God’s feet instead of giving them the last word. People will only be drawn to you when they’re left encouraged and raised up by your feed.
3. Use good grammar and spelling
Alright, this one’s an indulgence of mine.
But let’s face it – we have a secret awe of excellent “posting form”, do we not?
It’s not a hard and fast rule. Some immature people take great care to hit every period and comma, and some of my life’s greatest mentors spell you “u” when it suits their crunched schedule.
But good grammar can advertise one well. If someone pays attention to the little things on social media, they’ll pay attention to the little things in their relationships. I personally sit up and take notice when someone’s grammar and punctuation shows an extra effort. I’m not a snob about it, but it shows they care. This is commonly called “adulting” and could be a giveaway of a strong partner.
4. Don’t talk about your singleness all the time!
Hear me carefully. I’m not saying you should be embarrassed of your desire to find someone. I know it can be hard to wait, and the hard can spill out onto Facebook once in a while. The occasional clever picture, like the one currently popular about how your man must be “riding a turtle instead of a white horse” seems made for your feed.
But when it shows up every week…
Let me put it this way. Do you want someone who is caught up in their longing for a spouse, or do you want someone who chases so brazenly and breathlessly after Jesus that they’ve barely even noticed they’re single?
I rest my case.
The latter person is much likelier to be plugged into the very thing that powers and enlivens marriages in the first place – the love of Christ. The former – well, we all have that friend who finally got their first significant other and just dumped way too much into it. Too much time, too much effort, too much expectation. You don’t want to be crouched on that bridge.
Perhaps you think the latter group is out of your league. They’re not. Join their league! (If you haven’t figured it out by now, this entire post is really just the standard “Be the kind of person you’d want to marry” rant applied to Facebook.)
Dump those constant wedding dress pins, the clever pictures, the lists of “how real men act” followed by teenage fluff like kissing you in the rain and playing with your hair. The lists with the good stuff like kindness, being a spiritual leader, and respecting you physically? Dump them too. Leave the whole thing off Facebook for a while. Show that it’s #2 in your life.
I know this may actually make you anxious. But there’s a reason people tell us it “happens when we’re not looking for it”. It’s the same reason they tell you to “run after Jesus and grab the hand of whoever keeps up”. We roll our eyes, but they’re on to something. It’s about having the right priorities.
If you want to attract the person, be that person on Facebook as well as in every other area. Don’t fake it, either. That’ll get spotted. Let it be an organic overflow from a life steeped in rich Scripture and prayer.
“More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8)