No Single Christian Left Behind

I have the privilege of doing youth workership with a couple of guys I graduated high school with. They’re married with kids (though they didn’t get there at the same time).

I saw an old (now married) girlfriend in the store the other day. She looked…I’m bad at this…six or seven months pregnant? I was certainly happy for her.

joggers

Several of the students I’ve mentored in my twelve years in youth ministry have gotten hitched. One’s even had a couple daughters.

It’s certainly enough to make a bachelor feel left behind.

In years gone by, I would often reassure myself with something like Don’t worry, they’re a lot older than you. You’ve got time. Then one day I woke up and was their age. So much for that arrow in the quiver. In fact, they’re younger than me. The pastor at one of our offshoot churches has a salt-and-pepper beard, a seminary degree, and a small tribe running around his wife’s ankles. My jaw dropped when I found out he’s two years younger than me.

Ever felt left behind?

Don’t. You’re not.

Though we could turn to comforts such as there are still plenty of people who marry late and only a minority of my old students are hitched and you’ve accomplished plenty that they haven’t, and each would be true, the best response to times of loneliness is knowing that the Father’s love knows no boundaries.

Nobody at my church has ever openly made me feel outmoded or outside God’s will for being single – my spiritual family is too Scripturally literate for that. They know that although the Old Testament certainly seemed to hand all the stature and security to those within families, Jesus changed things. He stresses singles’ place in his family. Both through his words (Matthew 19) and those inspired into Paul (1 Corinthians 7), Jesus pointed out that singles actually have an easier time navigating the evangelistic demands of his kingdom. Sometimes married people fall behind the singles!

But more importantly, Scripture breaks down barriers to his love. Rich or poor, slave or free, sick or healthy, Jew or Gentile, popular or otherwise, educated or a lowly fisherman casting about on Galilee’s shores, Christ takes pains to embrace people on every part of every spectrum as candidates for his grace. The pain of the cross opened the way; they need only follow him.

Singles are no exception. If marriage doesn’t even exist as a state in heaven (Matthew 22), why would singles be an exception?

No. Every single Christian is a pool into which Christ’s waterfall of love tumbles perennially. He did not come to earth, suffer the cross, empty the tomb, and ascend to heaven so that his love would be thwarted by the lack of a ring.

It hurts that there are churches who do not share this view. Singles across the world are too often ignored, sidelined, or flat-out rebuked for not marrying, as if they’re only “playing at life” until they do. But then again, not every church is Scripturally literate, as ridiculous as that sounds. We can only pray and continue to teach them.

The emotional burden is real, and God will hear our honesty in the meantime. It’s not fun to have less and less in common with your friends as they grow deeper into their marriage, having to work harder and harder to keep up your friendships. That’s not what Hebrews meant by “running the race”.

But no single Christian has been left behind with God, for no Christian gets left behind. Single, you are secure in his love. Your present potential and value to God are undimmable; it need only be prayed for and sought. And God’s eternal future for you is sealed; Jesus will one day give each of us a new name (Rev. 2:17), whether we ever changed it here on earth or not.

Therefore, I can celebrate where I am today. For on the spectrum that matters most – God’s love – I am on equal standing with all who are his.

 

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The Many Shades of Singleness, Part 2: Unaffirmed

person(Part 1 and Part 3 of this series.)

Years ago, my college group attended a weekend retreat (at a hot springs!) without knowing the topic. The speaker hadn’t announced it beforehand. Later, we discovered that that was because the speaker himself didn’t know his subject until he got underway; God only revealed it to him then. That subject was marriage. And it didn’t take long to see why God in his wisdom had waited for the reveal: at the end of the retreat, numerous attendees, as they shook the speaker’s hand in gratitude for solid teachings, admitted that if they’d known the topic beforehand, they wouldn’t have come.

At a different young adults’ group I briefly attended, the pastor offered a choice of topics for the next series: one of Paul’s epistles, or relationships. Paul’s epistle won. By a landslide.

And a friend recently asked, “Can we quit making the first question we ask someone after we haven’t seen them for a long time, ‘Soooo, do you have a guy’?”

Why do so many millennials land anywhere from disinterested to fiercely opposed to marriage?

The answers, I suspect, reach double digits. I myself never numbered among the matrimonially disinterested, but over time, I’ve come to appreciate fellow millennials’ increasing desire for singleness. It stems from not a few understandable stalks. And as I said last week, blunt criticism of singleness, from even respectable evangelical figures, will never be as effective as understanding and encouragement.

One stalk, I think, could be described as a lack of affirmation.

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