I Don’t Feel God’s Love

benchA reality that has confronted me the last few months:

I do not, on any given day, operate with God’s love as my background.

When I worship at church, when I read his Word, when I go about my day in general…love isn’t really there. I suppose it took me a while to realize it because it’s hard to recognize absent things that you’ve rarely felt.

Instead, what I mostly sense from God is…a vague dissatisfaction. Criticism. Perhaps annoyance. “It’s never good enough.”

But like a ship tacking into the wind, that’s starting to change.

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Just Drop the Pen

penEver had one of those moments when you’re sitting on something you think someone needs to hear, and finally you say it – and it isn’t until the moment it escapes your lips that you realize how needless and stupid it was all along?

Yeah. That’s probably happened to me more times than I can remember. I’ll think someone needs to hear something, and it will inevitably turn out that I had neither the timing nor the right information, and my comment comes off as flippant and insensitive.

I apologize, ask for forgiveness, turn to God as best I could. And God usually comes through in my relationships.

But you know what? That’s not enough. I don’t want this sort of thing to happen anymore. At all.

So I asked myself, where did that come from? What well of muck deep in my soul even spews forth such things?

The answer came from God via a friend who was examining her own heart: a “critical spirit”.

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