A Teasing Sense of Humor and How to Crucify It

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crucifyGrowing up and as a young man, I always had to be the guy in the room with the joke.

Always. Whenever anyone said something, my brain would immediately look for a way to turn it into a tease.

Combined with not being very good at it, this resulted in years without a lot of friends. As I grew older, I got better at it. At the teasing part, that is, unfortunately, not the “just knock it off already” part that people were no doubt wishing I’d master.

And then…I would wonder why I wasn’t getting anywhere socially.

Clueless, I tell you.

Then, for some reason, one day I started asking myself, “What do my role models do to engender such trust with people?”

See, one of my few redeeming qualities is picking good role models. Sure, my role models can banter and joke, but they don’t jump to that as a first instinct. They listen. They ask questions. They seek to affirm you and what you’re thinking. Others feel safe around them. I feel safe around them. Safe with my heart, my thoughts, my fears. My truest self has no problem coming out around them.

This is the kind of person I’m working on becoming.

Slow progress, I know.

And teasing people – well, that’s diametrically opposed to that goal. I monitored myself around others who shared my habits and I realized – I don’t open up to them. I don’t consider them all that mature. I certainly am not about to discuss my problems, my struggles, or really even my day with them.

Some people balance banter with kindness. But not me. Not yet. So I realized that change was calling. It was time for my teasing sense of humor to climb its Golgotha and die horribly.

No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)

Building each other up.

Good grief, yes.

Our days are hard enough. We go to work, belly-crawl through the day without coffee, endure constant failure and pressure and boss-beratings, run ourselves ragged…what is the saying? That we hear ten negative comments for every positive?

Who wants to run into a chronic teaser at the end of all that?

If I can be an oasis of kindness and listening in the middle of all that, hot dog. That’s what I want. That’s what we all should want. Far better to be known for affirmation than for always being the funny guy.

So I pray to become that.

Yes, it requires the burden of constant self-surveillance. Tough noogies. I want to be someone different. To become someone who buries his need to be funny in the midst of a conversation and instead to be one who seeks the heart, and lifts it up, and listens to hear rather than prepare my response.

Don’t let me overstate my success. I’m still working on it. Old habits die hard, even on a cross.

But may they die anyway. And a new me rise from their tomb.

 

18 thoughts on “A Teasing Sense of Humor and How to Crucify It”

  1. Sweet,Brandon! Just don’t loose your whole sense of humor. Laughter is good, like medicine. 🙂

    I too wrestle with this. I tend to be a cynic and I have to be very careful not to slide into distrust, humor, teasing, always seeing the hidden meaning behind things. A bit funny, my hubby is a terrible tease, or used to be, but you tease him right back and he’s suddenly offended. Now it’s not funny anymore when we’re all laughing at him. That response kind of opened my eyes to what might really being going on. I’m so thick skinned I doubt anyone could offend me, but if you pull that aside, we are actually being unkind. Teasing is also away of saying, “I’m not taking anything you say seriously,” so it is a self defense mechanism.

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  3. I used to think I had to stifle my quirky personality. My pastor told me, “We love you because of your quirkiness, don’t you dare try to hide or change that.” So, quirky all the way! God made each of us unique, it adds to the Body, somehow. The teasing, maybe there’s a way to be you without putting someone on the defensive, haha.

    It’s Thursday… HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May the Lord continue to bless you.

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  4. “They seek ways to affirm you and what you’re thinking.” This is such an important and overlooked part of mentoring and being an accountability partner. Yes, we must listen. We defintely should ask questions. But we must look for words that affirm people and lift them up rather than tear them down and discourage them. I believe this is an important part of building trust and becoming trustworthy confidants and disciple-makers.

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  6. To speak “only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear”–what a change there would be in today’s world. Christians would speak truth in love–because that’s what that sentence means.

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