I hate my brokenness.
I want it to end.
It’s been a tough week at work. The kind that leaves you feeling like a rusting wreck in the desert. Ever found yourself dreading going to work and finding out what little mistake is coming back to bite you this day? You’re breathing, so yes.
I know my weaknesses well. We’re old acquaintances. Not friends, though. I want them out of my life.
Tonight, though, I have to deal with the fact that they’re not conquered yet, that tomorrow hasn’t come yet, that the next opportunity to win hasn’t come yet. I have to deal with the shame and inadequacy that swarm toward this vulnerable chump like flies toward a carcass.
I’m reminded of a familiar saying.
God does not call the qualified; he qualifies the called.
But…there’s a but in my heart.
Oh, I know God uses broken people. He not only uses them, he insists on it. He does this, ironically, to ensure he receives the glory. If only the visibly whole were to succeed, they could boast. They could say, “I’m pulling it off. I’m doing good. I’m the sort of person God can use.” People watching them would assume that the key lies in competence, training, or intrinsic gifts rather than God. Indeed, that dynamic is already everywhere in our society. The narcissists and the naturals dominate, trampling the hearts of others. David had no shortage of laments for this in the Psalms; God assured him their position was only temporary.
For his own kingdom, God uses the deeply broken.
But…something in my heart doesn’t want that.
“NO!!!” it cries, pierced in the moment by embarrassment. “I don’t want my brokenness used, or hijacked, tolerated, indulged, or affirmed in any way. I want it gone! I want it overcome!”
But…why?
Because of my embarrassment?
I’m supposed to be relying on God for my competence anyway. I’m supposed to be taking my shame to him. Am I instead looking to personal perfection to absolve and swallow up my shame?
Am I striving for perfection in order to feel better about myself, or to glorify God?
Maybe that’s why I’m not managing any of those three things.
Another query: am I blocking God from using my brokenness? I notice a lie streaking through my mind when I fail, something like this: “God can’t possibly use this mess. I have to get it right first.”
That’s a lie. One to be vaporized horribly.
So to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
That’s a verse I’ve long struggled to understand. Now, as I face some lingering weaknesses head-on, I’m starting to get it. Paul’s humility is clearly foremost among God’s priorities. Paul eventually learns that if he must struggle with a thorn, it is to be celebrated, not bemoaned, for he knows God will show up in his weakness.
Conversely, to allow our flaws to pull us away from God and leave us disqualified…that’s not what he wants. It may seem like a form of holiness, but it is, insanely enough, mere pride. Defining ourselves by our own system. Arrogance concealed within a false humility.
It’s quite a revolution in today’s world to appreciate one’s own brokenness. Not to indulge and worship it as a means of defiance, but simply to appreciate it. All the commercials holler at us about getting better (using their product); the high school and college cliques decide whether we’re in or out; hiring managers are drawn to the strong.
Real humility is letting God alone be the decider of our competence.
Real strength is letting God have our weaknesses as well as our strengths.
So I will go to work tomorrow morning…strong. Of all things. Not waiting to “get it right” to be strong, but strong now. By the will and arrangement of God.
Love this post – thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome.
LikeLike
Great words written Brandon and almost all go through this life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suppose so. Doesn’t make me feel a whole lot better – I just want to make sure I’m responding to my mistakes right.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm so true
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the battle of confronting our weaknesses is when we strive for perfection by our own might and power, but true perfection can only come through Christ who redeems us through His love and not by the laws of men. Our standards of perfection cannot match the grace of God that redeems us from our weaknesses and that is why we are able to boast in our weaknesses in the first place because it is only through Christ that we become whole and strong again. Great post Brandon.
Blessings,
Sherline. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is one great battle, and I’m still improving there, too. The other is responding to the failures in a way that glorifies God, and that’s the focus of my post – to let him use me anyway, to counter shame with the cross, instead of demanding of myself that I be perfect before feeling better.
LikeLike
Our deficiencies keep us close to our Lord, and you are not alone. Thanks Brandon.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s very encouraging.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brandon…my brother…I wish you knew how much this post encouraged me this morning. Thank you SO much for sharing 🙌🙌!!
LikeLiked by 4 people
You’re welcome, Wayne. May we all find grace.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen 🙏!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Jesus @ the Center and commented:
This is a MUST READ!! For all of those who’ve wrestled with their own brokenness, this blog will truly encourage you 🙌🙌!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great post. Why is it so hard for us to allow God to use us, e to n at our lowest points? He knows more about us than we do. Thanks for your words😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
“He knows more about us than we do.” That’s true. I suspect he is already using us in ways we can’t see through our own self-criticism.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very true 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow Brandon, I really enjoyed this. We are being controlled by a narcissist and actually a family member by that… It is so hard and it seems like my husband just cannot get a job anywhere else at the moment. BUT…. I believe at the right time God will open a door that no man can close. Blessings
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will drop a prayer for you today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post! My girls am Bible group and I were just discussing this am how we become more intentional about not letting work dictate our emotions or quantify our self worth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly. Good stuff.
LikeLike
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I wouldn’t worry to much. The condition you describe.. I think it’s called being human. Regardless, you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“I think it’s called being human.” I suspect this as well. I’d certainly rather be self-critical than blind to my faults, but the overthinking can be crazy sometimes. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really well said.
I’m often left trying to advocate in favor of weakness. That’s a tough sell these days, everyone wants to be strong. Weakness is almost seen as a sin,in fact sometimes we refer to our own sins,as “weaknesses,” thorns. But Paul says, “for my power is made perfect in weakness….For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Often what really makes us powerful, strong, is when we surrender all to the Lord. So weakness,vulnerability, actually become strength as He moves in on our behalf. Some of the most powerful moments in my life have actually come from just collapsing in hysterics at the foot of a King. I highly recommend it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I’m already an expert at that. Thanks for stopping by, as always.
LikeLike
“It may seem like a form of holiness, but it is, insanely enough, mere pride. Defining ourselves by our own system. Arrogance concealed within a false humility.” I read that, Brandon, and thought AMEN! Pride, the nemesis that goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden, is alive and well today, in each of us, as we try to “do” things for Christ instead of taking our hands off the wheel and letting Him work through us. When we are weak, we are strong because it is not our strength but His, and there is nothing stronger than that! Blessings to you today and thanks for the great writing and for the thought provoking post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha. I just threw that part in at the last minute.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps the Holy Spirit had a hand in that! If He is directing your writing, He will throw something in because He knows someone reading it will need it. Blessings as you follow His lead, always.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe. Or it could have been me overthinking it, haha. I just thought that my point might be a little too vague, so I decided to point folks straight to it. But maybe it was him.
LikeLike
Thank you for writing and sharing this! It’s so so very timely for me. Praise God!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m grateful God used it.
LikeLike
This week was hard work week for me too. It ended well with a little remorse on the perpetrators part. It took all my strength to grant the grace to them God gave me- undeserved. But in the end I did grant them Grace.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This post, oh this post is something I needed to hear! . “Real humility is letting God alone be the decider of our competence. Real strength is letting God have our weaknesses as well as our strengths.” Wonderful post!! God bless
LikeLiked by 1 person
Be blessed yourself, Krystal.
LikeLike
I love this so much! Not to indulge brokenness, but also not to strive for perfection. We get lost living on those polar opposite ends of the spectrum. How beautiful that Jesus came that we may have life and have it abundantly, but that He also uses our broken places to strengthen us. Thanks for this!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do believe we should strive for perfection…the difference is what we do with our hearts when we fall short. I appreciate your visit!
LikeLike
I like this a lot. I think you and I have a similar vibe in writing and intentions for doing so. Check out my newest and let me know what you think if you have a chance!
https://simplicitysynced01.wordpress.com/2017/05/05/fierce-offensive-and-unapologetic-part-1/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good post. Followed!
LikeLike
Thanks Brandon!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m late to the party on this one, so now I’d love an update on how your Friday went, but have a great weekend. There was just too much to copy, paste, and comment on here, I’m just gonna repost this. Totally right on and I need it as we all do!! I lift my tea cup to my broken brother,….from: your broken (smiling) sister.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always good to see you, Dawn.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on INSPIRATION with an ATTITUDE and commented:
Yeah…what he said. Wow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to see you, Julie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Brandon. Thanks for a great post, I needed to read that because we are going through a tough season but the Lord rescues us every day 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the follow and comment!
LikeLike
Very well said! A great reminder that God uses all things for our good, not necessarily for our comfort. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No problem.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can totally relate to this posting with work and God’s plan and purpose for me as I struggle to overcome the remaining areas of brokenness. I also cry out “NO… I want it gone! I want it overcome!” God knows our hearts and desire to overcome and fulfill His plans and purposes for our lives. We just have to keep persevering. Thank you for sharing this awesome message. God bless you, Brandon!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Keep persevering. Indeed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Boasting in My Weaknesses??? by Brandon Adam | The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel
Such a real struggle! I need this more than I want to admit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to see you, Matt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Madison Elizabeth Baylis.
LikeLike
Thank you very much!
LikeLike
I found this a very moving post. Thank you, Brandon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Anna!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We need to learn about the power of the Cross. That is, the crucifying of our self life so that God can show His power in us and through us for His glory before others. Our self life is very much a hindrance to our Beloved showing Himself strong through us. May we be so utterly weak that it crucifies every last bit of self that would take even a smidgen of glory from Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit reveals Jesus to us and we are to reveal Jesus to others by our conduct.
God bless you, Brandon, in everything you do for His Kingdom, by His power and for His glory, amen! \o/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Sherry!
LikeLike
Thanks for the love. Please let me know if you want me to blog about anything specific. Jesus bless love Daniel 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, no problem.
LikeLike
Brandon, I am so sorry I am only now acknowledging your visit to my post. We have been having a tough time in my family. God broke me by taking my daughter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I grieve to hear that. May his peace be with you.
LikeLike
Wow, wow, wow! I believe I was meant to see this today. You’ve nailed something I’ve been struggling with…lots here for me to ponder. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m glad God did this for you, Rebeca. 🙂
LikeLike
Wow! Just Wow!……wow! This resonates with every inch of my being!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
LikeLike